Valentine's Day is my least favourite time of year. It's a Hallmark holiday designed to make chocolate, flower, and jewellery sales go through the roof and it really stabs a single gal like me in the heart, especially as I have been married and divorced and our entire relationship's anniversaries were centered on Valentines Day. The reasoning? To create one super romantic rememerable day a year that would usually be showcased with a holiday of some sort. Now it's just a week long depression funk.
To help get out of my week long Valentine's Day depression funk, I turn instead to doing the most unromantic of events - watching horror movies. But if you're a sucker like me who loves themes, then a Valentine's Day theme horror movie marathon might be perfect for you! Here are some stellar movies you can watch that are sure not to break your heart.
My Bloody Valentine
Let's face it, Jensen Ackles is the most sexiest person alive and who wouldn't want to spend their Valentine's Day with him? Well now you can by switching on the Supernatural alumn's horror movie My Bloody Valentine, a 2009 remake that centers around a man named Tom (played by Ackles) who returns to his quiet mining town on the night of the tenth anniversary of a Valentine's day massacre that happened in the mines. Tom finds himself pitted as the killer, but only his old girlfriend believes his innocence and sets out to help him.
My Bloody Valentine was a 3D movie, back when popping out of the screen was popular, but it holds up in 2D as well. With gory bloody hearts found in heart-shaped chocolate boxes, dead bodies of strippers found in heart-shaped bathtubs, and pretty much no romance whatsoever, My Bloody Valentine might just be the flick you need to give Valentine's Day the flick.
One of the most obvious Valentine's Day based horror movies has to be the 2001 movie Valentine, which focuses on five women from the same school reject the advances of the school geek, who ends up being brutally bullied. Flash forward to adulthood as the ladies prepare for their favourite romance-fuelled holiday, only for them to start being picked off and killed one by one by a cherub faced killer. Convinced it is the school geek back to haunt them, the ladies worry that he has lied and deceived his way into their current lives to seek revenge.
Starring Denise Richards, Angel's David Boreanaz, a young Katherine Heigl, and Legally Blonde's Jessica Cauffiel, Valentine will have you extremely happy not to have a man stalking you in your life.
The Love Witch
The Love Witch is a 2016 35mm filmed horror movie that pays tribute to 1960's horror with extremely accurate costumes, design and cinematography. Starring Samantha Robinson as the lovesick, yet extremely charming witch Elaine Parks, the movie follows the newbie witch into town who uses magic, sex magic, and other spells to get men to fall in love with her. Unfortunately, the devotion and love that Elaine requires are met with constant problems and deadly consequences, and she finds herself falling into the pit of despair and desperation as she searches for someone to love.
The Love Witch is iconic, but it's also hits extremely close to home. As someone who exclusively dates fuckboys and tends to be on a hunt for someone to love, The Love Witch feels like a very accurate representation of my life, but honestly, it kind of makes you feel ok with being single - it makes you feel not desperate, making it the perfect horror movie to watch on Valentine's Day.